Hey Everyone!!!

I’m back!!!! (If you remember me!!) If you don’t I will give you a little background of me.

I am 21 years of age and go to a local community college.  I work at a grocery store as a cashier and that’s that.  My social life is non-existent and I have a sh** load of problems to which I will entail sooner or later.  I came back on this site to not be so bored all the time.  I stopped blogging for a bit because, well honestly, I got really, really lazy. But now I want to try to keep up w/ blog posting. (try is the key word here).

I will admit to suffering from an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa (I think that’s how you spell it).  I have been so for over two years now.  I wanted to lose weight since I was stuck at home all the time w/o a car or license.  Exercising excessively. It killed a lot of time.  Once I started losing weight I began thinking “Oh if I lose just 2 more pounds, I’ll be fine”.  I DID NOT plan on becoming anorexic whatsoever.  In fact, I was so against being too thin and anorexic.  I called them all horrible names like “Stupid anorexic whore” and stuff like that.  But look at me, I am one of those “Stupid anorexic whores” now. Hypocritical much? I think so.

The lowest weight I’ve seen was 93 or 98.  This scared me a lot  and since then I have decreased my exercise by a lot.  I rarely exercise anymore.  I’ve gained maybe around 8- 10 lbs., but afraid to gain anymore weight.  I’ve been at a plateau w/ my weight now for maybe a year or less then that now.  My goal was to eat whatever I wanted and not gain a single pound.  That’s been happening, but I am definitely hurting my insides.  I have two infected toes (probably from malnutrition) to which I still need to really take care of, but I am too afraid and really don’t want to (procrastination!). I’ve lost my period for about two years….BUT in the past week I have gotten it back again.  It was funny because (try not to laugh I know it’s a little tmi but it’s the truth) I thought it was sh**.  And I kept on noticing it for days and I am like “Why am I sh***ing in my panties?” (LMFAO!). But one night I used the bathroom and I saw red. I freaked out in disbelief.  I knew it was my period. It had finally returned!!! After two years of being absent!! In a way I was thrilled, but in another way I was like “Here we go w/ the cramps and the mood swings again!”.  It ended days ago, and honestly mother nature cut me some slack for this month anyway.  I thought it would be really, really bad since it hasn’t happened in two years. But I was lucky!!!

When I post my eats on this blog you’ll notice my unhealthy diet.  I really would like to eventually start eating healthier (WAY HEALTHIER) but I don’t want to.  I am going to a therapist now that will help me w/ my ED thoughts and my emotional and anxiety problems to which I am suffering from as well. I won’t talk about all of my problems today but throughout the blogs I post you will see a little more of who I am.  I really want change in my life, and be more social, but I have to really want it.  I keep putting things off over and over, and I need to stop that. It’s ruining my life. Ignoring things only makes things worse! Remember that!!

Here’s a pic of me of what I look like currently.  The pic is a little risque I know. I hope no one gets offended by it. I am covered up in the appropriate places!! lol!

Today for breakfast, I made myself some delicious chocolate chip peanut butter oatmeal.  I don’t care if it is 75 degrees out in the morning! I want my chocolate peanut butter oats!!! This delicious decadent breakfast consists of

1 Quaker Oats Instant Regular Oat meal

1 TBSP of Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa Powder

1 TBSP of Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

3 Packs of No Calorie Sweetener

1 TBSP of Peanut Butter & Co Dark Chocolate Dreams

BEST BREAKFAST EVER!!! If you’re a chocoholic like I am, TRY IT!!! SO YUMMY!!! Calorie count: Around 277.

My cat Toby posing with the delicious goodness. He’s such a smart cat, he has no interest in it whatsoever. As you all know, chocolate is bad for pets!

For lunch I made what is called a “Cheeseburger Egg Mug”. This delicious creation was created by Hungry Girl, who helps makes dieting tastier with her calorie saving recipes.  In other words, she is a god. I swear by her and I receive her daily e-mails. Without her we all be still be eating carrots and rice cakes. lol.  The “Cheeseburger Egg Mug” consists of

1/2 Egg Beaters

1 Boca Original Meatless Burger (Vegan)

1 slice of fat free American cheese

1 tbsp of ketchup

Calorie Count: 175!!! (180 depending on ketchup!)  Lunch for under 200 calories!! I ‘ll take that!

Today I had the day off from work. What a gorgeous day to have off!!! No cloud in the sky and it was hot too!! So I went for a walk by the H.S.  I walked a long side the road purposely to get a tan while walking. Probably end up being sunburn but it will eventually turn dark which is nice!!!! (which I did! lol!)  Snack today was a 100 calorie pack of Cinnamon Brown Sugar almonds. I love the extra brown sugar/cinnamon stuff it leaves at the bottom! haha.

Dinner was some roasted chicken, perogies, cauliflower, and a glass of milk.

Dessert was going to be a vanilla Dannon light & fit yogurt w/ cocoa powder and a crumbled Caramel Brownie Luna Bar. But there was a few changes, so I instead had a Clif Brownie bar.

Then a little later I finished the night w/ a Sugar Free Jello Pudding and a Clif Kid Brownie. Yes. I know. A little too much chocolate in my diet I know.

And that pretty much wraps up today. I am extremely tired. Actually can’t wait for sleep soon. Yay!!

Hope you all enjoyed my blog. And expect one again real soon!

Have a good night guys!!