It’s a Saturday night….and I’m home….again.

If anyone couldn’t figure it out by the title, I am tying this at night.  Not just any night, but a Saturday night.  The “big night” out for most people.  Yeah….going out..what the hell is that? Haven’t gotten a clue of what that is!!! Sitting at home doing whatever is the norm for me.  And maybe I am most comfortable with that. But there has to be change soon. Has to be.  It’s not worth living life if your going to sit at home all the time right? But on the other hand, maybe some people enjoy being home on a Saturday night. Maybe I actually enjoy it???? Who knows. But remember this: TO EACH IS THEIR OWN.  Don’t know who came up with that, but whoever did is a genius. P.S. thanks by the way!!

This morning started off pretty bad.  I really wanted to sleep in today, but as usual that didn’t happen.  I probably woke up around 715 and just hung in bed attempting to go back to sleep for a while.  I did however did get laundry started around 830ish.  An hour later I finally got up and went on my laptop.  Breakfast was yet again another Chocolate Yogurt Mess.  Can’t stray away from these suckers really.

By the time that was in my belly laundry was finished. Now it was time to get ready for work (but before that a few more minutes of procrastinating!). Getting my shower done, hair and make-up did, looking so fly!! haha!!! Hey….can’t blame a girl for trying right!!

Before work I cooked myself a Cheeseburger egg mug, and drank some caffeine to keep alive during the work hours.

*Coke Vanilla Zero is the best fyi!*

For my break snack I had a Luna Caramel Nut Brownie bar.

These little bars always keep my tummy nice and full and happy!!!! When I got home a huge piece of chicken, corn, and a small baked plain potato were awaiting my stomach.

Dessert a little later was some delicious chocolate peanut butter oats (w/ dark chocolate dreams pb of course!! only the best!) Look at that close up!! Such a beauty!

The rest of the night (if you couldn’t tell) I just chilled at home.  Snacks I ate later included a pudding, Clif Kid bar, and some Animal Crackers.

Time for bed please!!!!! I can’t stay awake any longer. I can barely type this!! LOL!!!! Hope you all had a great weekend!! Good night!!

You rockin’ w/ the best

Can’t get that song out of my head!!! It’s by Clinton Sparks (feat. Diddy) “Rockin With The Best”.  Lovin’ it!! Although, I can’t find it on itunes, which is weird.  I think I’m gonna try searching it again, because it’s a MUST song when I am rocking out on the way to work!!!  What’s your favorite song to rock to???? I have a ton……..: )  Music = Life!!!

Hope Tuesday was “rockin” for ya.  *Sorry had to say that!* Still in a rockin’ mood amazingly. Ok…seriously Nicole, enough with that word!! lol!!!!!

Woke up at around 530ish (just because my body felt like it). Didn’t lay around too long (sorta) because I didn’t have to get up until around 715 to get ready for work. Breakfast this morning included a Red Bull sugar free (to wake up!!! *healthy* I know. It’s sorta like my coffee. And for 10 calories for just one can, why not!), and a Strawberry Banana Chobani. Which is indeed a new love of mine now. I just started getting into the whole Greek Yogurt trend, and it’s so delicious. It took me a bit to get used to the taste, but now I don’t mind it (if only w/ flavors like Strawberry Banana and Pineapple are there). 14 g of protein per cup, I’ll take that please!!

About 15 minutes later it was off to work.  I started at nine, which is pretty early, but I love early bird shifts.  I like the feeling of actually doing something right away and not sitting around for the day to start.  For break, I ate a Clif Brownie Bar, as a lunch.

After work, I just chilled. Drove around a little bit (weird I know) then went to have a nice chat w/ my grandmother.  A little later, I had a Clif kid brownie bar for a snack.

For dinner mom cooked up some chicken casserole thing.  I would probably relate it to a chicken pot pie, without the pie.  Not my fav but it was good.  There was also a glass of milk involved as well.

I definitely enjoyed my dessert more then dinner!!! I had a yogurt mess!!! Consisting of light & fit vanilla yogurt, cocoa powder (special dark), and a crumbled Luna Caramel Nut Brownie bar.  Heaven in a bowl!!! It’s amazing how something that looks kinda nasty tastes so good!! *Can’t say the same about the above pic though sadly*

It finally stopped raining for a bit after dessert.  I took the advantage and walked down the road a little bit.  It started to drizzle a little bit, but luckily it held off.  Thankfully it’s not raining now. But it’s supposed to the rest of the week. FML!!!!! : (

The rest of the night I am just chillin’ at home (as usual, what a surprise).  I had the usual snacks, a sugar free Jello pudding, and some Animal Crackers.

I have off again the next two days.  Not looking forward to it. I cannot stand having two days off (as crazy as that sounds), it drives me up the wall knowing that I am not doing something productive!!! UGH. w/e.  I already have to go to see the psychologist on Thursday, but tomorrow I am not sure what I am going to do.  I was thinking of getting my hair cut again for summer.  This sounds like a high possibility at this point. But who knows!!!

Have a good night everyone!!!

Friday….the 13th!!! WTF?

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Friday!! Being that it’s the 13th!!!!  And you know, I just realized that at this very moment too!!!! I’m not gonna say anything more b/c I know that something will happen trust me!!

Today started off kinda chilly. I was so spoiled waking up to 60 degree weather that when today came it bummed me out.  Oh, and not to mention that it was also kinda cloudy as well.

Today I made my infamous Chocolate Yogurt Mess which consisted of:

1 Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt

1 TBSP of Cocoa Powder

1 100 calorie Vitamuffin

Mush ingredients altogether and you get the most chocolaty breakfast experience ever! It may not win awards for best looking, but it sure does for best tasting!

Lunch was a Smart One’s Chicken Teriyaki. (Sorry. No pic  =(   )

I needed to talk to someone today because I had a very bad fight last night with mom (it got violent). So I took a trip down memory lane to my old high school to talk to the social worker there.  Overall, we had a nice conversation.  It’s nice getting re acquainted  with somebody you haven’t seen in a while (and especially since it was face to face and not on Facebook!!!)  After the chat, I visited some other faculty then walked around the hallways for a bit.  Don’t worry, school was out by then, so I don’t look like a creepy stalker!! haha.  Here are some pics I took.  And my old senior year locker # 35!!!

I went on the track after that and then headed for work to pick up my new schedule and some yogurt.

Today’s snack consisted of a Kashi Go Lean Crunch Pretzel bar.

For dinner mom picked up Chinese. I really didn’t want it, so she told me to go upstairs (still bitter from the major fight). And mind you I am 21 years old!!! : )   BTW…..I had the “healthiest dinner” ever.  Some Nilla Wafers, a Larabar, and a Clif Bar. LOLZ!!

And as if that wasn’t enough I had some Edy’s French Silk Ice Cream for dessert!! While watching one of my favorite tv show on Food Network “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” (I think that’s what it’s called. W/E I call it “Triple D”)

Also later there was a Jello and some Animal Crackers.  I am going to have diabetes before the age of 30 I just know it!!!!

Finally bedtime!!! I hate sleeping b/c I can’t sleep but I’m so used to it now that I kinda like it again!! LOL!!! Goodnight for now blogworld!!! Enjoy your weekend!!

I’m Back……Again!!!!

Hey Everyone!!!

I’m back!!!! (If you remember me!!) If you don’t I will give you a little background of me.

I am 21 years of age and go to a local community college.  I work at a grocery store as a cashier and that’s that.  My social life is non-existent and I have a sh** load of problems to which I will entail sooner or later.  I came back on this site to not be so bored all the time.  I stopped blogging for a bit because, well honestly, I got really, really lazy. But now I want to try to keep up w/ blog posting. (try is the key word here).

I will admit to suffering from an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa (I think that’s how you spell it).  I have been so for over two years now.  I wanted to lose weight since I was stuck at home all the time w/o a car or license.  Exercising excessively. It killed a lot of time.  Once I started losing weight I began thinking “Oh if I lose just 2 more pounds, I’ll be fine”.  I DID NOT plan on becoming anorexic whatsoever.  In fact, I was so against being too thin and anorexic.  I called them all horrible names like “Stupid anorexic whore” and stuff like that.  But look at me, I am one of those “Stupid anorexic whores” now. Hypocritical much? I think so.

The lowest weight I’ve seen was 93 or 98.  This scared me a lot  and since then I have decreased my exercise by a lot.  I rarely exercise anymore.  I’ve gained maybe around 8- 10 lbs., but afraid to gain anymore weight.  I’ve been at a plateau w/ my weight now for maybe a year or less then that now.  My goal was to eat whatever I wanted and not gain a single pound.  That’s been happening, but I am definitely hurting my insides.  I have two infected toes (probably from malnutrition) to which I still need to really take care of, but I am too afraid and really don’t want to (procrastination!). I’ve lost my period for about two years….BUT in the past week I have gotten it back again.  It was funny because (try not to laugh I know it’s a little tmi but it’s the truth) I thought it was sh**.  And I kept on noticing it for days and I am like “Why am I sh***ing in my panties?” (LMFAO!). But one night I used the bathroom and I saw red. I freaked out in disbelief.  I knew it was my period. It had finally returned!!! After two years of being absent!! In a way I was thrilled, but in another way I was like “Here we go w/ the cramps and the mood swings again!”.  It ended days ago, and honestly mother nature cut me some slack for this month anyway.  I thought it would be really, really bad since it hasn’t happened in two years. But I was lucky!!!

When I post my eats on this blog you’ll notice my unhealthy diet.  I really would like to eventually start eating healthier (WAY HEALTHIER) but I don’t want to.  I am going to a therapist now that will help me w/ my ED thoughts and my emotional and anxiety problems to which I am suffering from as well. I won’t talk about all of my problems today but throughout the blogs I post you will see a little more of who I am.  I really want change in my life, and be more social, but I have to really want it.  I keep putting things off over and over, and I need to stop that. It’s ruining my life. Ignoring things only makes things worse! Remember that!!

Here’s a pic of me of what I look like currently.  The pic is a little risque I know. I hope no one gets offended by it. I am covered up in the appropriate places!! lol!

Today for breakfast, I made myself some delicious chocolate chip peanut butter oatmeal.  I don’t care if it is 75 degrees out in the morning! I want my chocolate peanut butter oats!!! This delicious decadent breakfast consists of

1 Quaker Oats Instant Regular Oat meal

1 TBSP of Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa Powder

1 TBSP of Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

3 Packs of No Calorie Sweetener

1 TBSP of Peanut Butter & Co Dark Chocolate Dreams

BEST BREAKFAST EVER!!! If you’re a chocoholic like I am, TRY IT!!! SO YUMMY!!! Calorie count: Around 277.

My cat Toby posing with the delicious goodness. He’s such a smart cat, he has no interest in it whatsoever. As you all know, chocolate is bad for pets!

For lunch I made what is called a “Cheeseburger Egg Mug”. This delicious creation was created by Hungry Girl, who helps makes dieting tastier with her calorie saving recipes.  In other words, she is a god. I swear by her and I receive her daily e-mails. Without her we all be still be eating carrots and rice cakes. lol.  The “Cheeseburger Egg Mug” consists of

1/2 Egg Beaters

1 Boca Original Meatless Burger (Vegan)

1 slice of fat free American cheese

1 tbsp of ketchup

Calorie Count: 175!!! (180 depending on ketchup!)  Lunch for under 200 calories!! I ‘ll take that!

Today I had the day off from work. What a gorgeous day to have off!!! No cloud in the sky and it was hot too!! So I went for a walk by the H.S.  I walked a long side the road purposely to get a tan while walking. Probably end up being sunburn but it will eventually turn dark which is nice!!!! (which I did! lol!)  Snack today was a 100 calorie pack of Cinnamon Brown Sugar almonds. I love the extra brown sugar/cinnamon stuff it leaves at the bottom! haha.

Dinner was some roasted chicken, perogies, cauliflower, and a glass of milk.

Dessert was going to be a vanilla Dannon light & fit yogurt w/ cocoa powder and a crumbled Caramel Brownie Luna Bar. But there was a few changes, so I instead had a Clif Brownie bar.

Then a little later I finished the night w/ a Sugar Free Jello Pudding and a Clif Kid Brownie. Yes. I know. A little too much chocolate in my diet I know.

And that pretty much wraps up today. I am extremely tired. Actually can’t wait for sleep soon. Yay!!

Hope you all enjoyed my blog. And expect one again real soon!

Have a good night guys!!

Mama’s Got A Brand New Bike!

It’s Friday! TGIF! Finally!!!! And the beginning of Labor Day weekend! Which is the ending of summer. Not really, not until September 20th but people make it out to be that way. Anyone attending any BBQ’s? Going out drinking? etc?  It’s business as usual for me, working the entire weekend.  I worked today, and saw a glimpse of what is to come during this upcoming weekend. Boy, I am sure going to busy that’s all I am going to say.  A lot of customers, and a lot of bloody hamburger meat….just so exciting!

This morning started off at around 9:30ish. As usual I had trouble getting up, it’s always a tiring start.  I had a Dannon Orange Bliss L&F with a 100 calorie Hostess Cinnamon Cake.

Did a little laying around the home and getting ready for work then enjoying a Clif Chocolate Brownie for lunch.

Then it was off to work.  1-5:15. Not bad, once again I just <3 4 hour 15 minute shifts.  *Can’t say the same about tomorrow’s shift though*  I wasn’t expecting the store to be as busy as it was today.  I basically came in like “WHOO!”  Caught me off guard for a minute, but then prepared myself for a busy day.  At break I enjoyed a Clif Kid Chocolate Chip bar.

After work I headed home.  We were going out right away to pick up my new bike at Dick’s.  *This was my big birthday gift*  But before that we went to Panera Bread for dinner.  Me and my mom had the Asian Sesame Chicken Salad and with a French Baguette on the side, while my bro had the Broccoli Cheddar Cheese Soup in a Bread Bowl. I swear PB has the best bread in the world! O-M-G! So yummy!! Dessert was a Larabar Chocolate Cookie Dough.

I’ll probably post some pics of my new bike tomorrow. It’s just too dark and I don’t feel like getting up lol.  Late snacks tonight included the usual Jello, a Kashi Trail Mix bar, and Animal Crackers.

Hope you all had a nice day. I am exhausted, time to sleep! Goodnight everyone.

It’s September already? Wow.

Happy September! It’s official (well…not really but close) only 3 1/2 months until Christmas!  Crazy isn’t it. Time goes by way too fast.

After having a difficult sleep the last night I had a decent sleep (not the best sleep ever).  I awoke around 9:30-40ish and made myself an egg sammie for breakfast.  I might of never posted this breakfast before but I use real eggs now instead of egg beaters. Still awesomely delicious! And fills me up real good.

The rest of the morning consisted of well, of course Facebook.  Soon enough lunchtime came around.  I heated up a Lean Cuisine Honey Roasted Chicken.  Probably one of my favorite meals by Lean Cuisine. That sweet honey sauce is SOOO good!

A little later I went out to my old high school.  A couple of days ago I decided to enter the learning disabilities program at the college because I am taking a math course that I will probably have trouble with.  In the past I was put in special ed classes because I do have a learning disability.  I am only doing it for math because that is a subject I have most trouble with.  Once I sat down with this woman I gave her all the paperwork to prove that I do have a learning disability.  Once the meeting was over she told me she needed some other evalutaion that I needed to obtain from my high school.  And so I did, I went back to my old high school (which was weird by the way) to get my records.  At the end of senior year they had given us a portfolio of our records, but somehow I couldn’t find them in my house. So, I had to go to the school.  The secretary said she needed to go through the vault to find them so I had to wait a couple of days.  Today was a great day to go get them because I had the day off and was bored out of my mind.  Luckily, I received them and was out of there in a heartbeat.  Next, I went to the college to give the records to this lady.  She wasn’t there so I gave them to the secretary to give to her.  Hopefully it is the records that they were looking for.

Shortly after that, did some grocery shopping and then went back home.  For snack today I had recently bought some Gnu Chocolate Brownie bars at Marshall’s that I really wanted to try. They were good. If I had to choose either that or a clif kid brownie bar, I choose the clif kid any day.  It tasted like brownie, but didn’t have that unique taste that clif kid has.

Dinner was soon served by my bro. Tacos!! I only had one. Tacos are good. Do you like tacos?

Dessert was shortly followed by a chocolate yogurt mess. Consisting of vanilla low fat yogurt, cocoa powder, and a crumbled Luna Caramel Nut Brownie

Late night snacks were the usual. (animal crackers, jello) Do I really need to show pics of it?lol.

Last Day of Vacation

Ok…sorry about the last post. For real this time I am back, honestly!  I keep forgetting.  Every time I take out my phone to take a picture of my food, my mom or someone gives me a funny look. But anyway whatever, I could careless so back to blogging I go!

I have a lot to cover in one blog! Where to start? hmmmm. Let’s start off by taking my first vacation from work.  I took 8/22 thru 8/28.  Originally it was supposed to be that but once I got my schedule I got an extra 2 days off as well. SWEET!  I wasn’t really planning on going anywhere, but I took that particular week off because it’s my birthday week! (which leads to our next topic).

The 27th was my 21st birthday and boy have I waited for this age for a  LONG TIME!!  I always imagined partying it up, getting completely wasted, and just having a good ole’ time. Plus, I always saw myself in Vegas for my 21st.  Well….let’s just say that none of that happened.  It was a nice peaceful day, with of course an alcoholic drink.  I was so excited to drink my first alcoholic drink (seriously it was. As a teen I never snuck out, or drank underage. I was a good girl….sorta).  We went out to Applebee’s and I ordered a Skinny Bee Margarita (aka diet margarita).  Once they handed me the drink I sat there with a huge smile on my face.  My family was staring at me, awaiting the first sip.  And so I did, I took a sip.  It first tasted a little fruity but then the taste of the alcohol kicked in.  It was VERY BITTER.  It was too much for me to handle, it was gross! I was extremely disappointed because of hearing all the rave about drinking and how fun it is to drink, I expected to taste really heavenly.  Maybe I have to try another drink, something that is an alcoholic beverage but can barely taste the alcohol. Yeah, that’s what I will do next time. Bu-mmer.  Luckily, I got my usual Triple Chocolate Meltdown for dessert to get rid of the bitter aftertaste. lol.  Overall, had an excellent birthday.  Got to spend time with family, went to the beach, went to the water park, could not of asked for a better week.

Unfortunately, I do have to go back to work tomorrow.  In a way I am kind of glad to be going back, actually doing something , and making that dough instead of just sitting around.  In another way I am not looking forward because it is work, and I’ll eventually have to deal with a**holes once again. *sighs* To live on this planet.

For the last day of vacation I didn’t really do much.  Did the usual morning routine, got up made myself some breakfast, and hung out on the internet for a while.  I did however spent most of the $50 on my gift card to Marshall’s.  I bought all shirts because finding pants in my size can be kind of challenging, and I didn’t want to search through.  I bought a wrap like stripped thing, a cute green tank, a white tee, some gummi “adult” vitamins, and a box of gnu chocolate brownie bars (to which I am excited to try)

School starts up again so more clothes is needed!

On my way home I was stuck in a little bit of traffic.  There was an accident right at the light were I turn.  Thankfully it wasn’t too terribly long, and I am hoping that everyone is ok.

Other then that nothing much went on. Here are today’s eats.

This morning started off with a delicious chocolate yogurt mess consisting of Dannon L&F Vanilla yogurt, Deep Chocolate Vitamuffin, and cocoa powder.

Lunch was a Smart Ones Angel Hair Marinara. Doesn’t this picture look good? lol pretty good for a phone camera that’s for sure!

For snack I toasted a Thomas light muffin and spread some laughing cow light cheese.

Dinner was filet mignon , rice (teriyaki!), glass of milk, and some green pepper

For dessert I had one of the new flavors by Larabar. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and it did not disappoint me so! Tasted just like one! So buying more of these!

Later I had a Jello, mini clif bar, and animal crackers

Well, that’s all I got today.  Time to go to sleep, back to work tomorrow morning. : (

Have a goodnight everyone!

I’m Back!

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long absence!  I kind of gave up on blogging for a bit. So obviously I stopped. But now I am back and (kinda) better then ever.  A few good things have occurred in my life during the absence.  Did I discuss that I went part time as a student? Well if I didn’t discuss that then, I did and it was the best decision I’ve made.  I have done really, really well and made The Dean’s list for two semesters!!  I had gotten a letter from the school before saying that I got a 4.0, but little did I know I would make The Dean’s list!!!  In high school when I heard of this Dean’s list I just chuckled and said “Yeah, I’ll most likely never make that list”.  Honest to god, never say never!!!! Nothing is impossible!!!  And this is without my special education needs! It comes to show you that you can work and go to school at the same time.  Besides, I took easy classes. lol.  Sad to say I am probably off of it now because I took an effective speaking class this summer and received a B+.  Whatever, I’m not going to flip out over a B+ it’s not like I failed that class you know?  I am just thankful that I once was on The Dean’s list and I can tell many people that in the future.  I was told that I was probably the first one in my family (both sides I believe) to have made The Dean’s list.  SWEET! Damn I’m smart! haha.

I’m still working at the local Shop Rite.  I’ve recently received a Customer Service award for how good my bagging was.  Not to mention I got a little red ribbon that says “Customer Service Award” lol. I wear it proudly.  I still get customers that complain about me but f*** them, you’re not going to win everybody over.

Health wise……still the same.  I have two infected toes and I finally went to the doctor to have it checked out.  The first doctor I went to wasn’t really that helpful.  I originally went there to see how much damaged I have done to my body because of my ED but all he did (or shall say the nurse did) was weighed me and checked my blood pressure.  Oh, and he also recommended some psychologists to see but I cannot afford to see one! Not to mention that I am now off the health insurance plan because I did become a part time student (honestly I feel that’s f***ed up.) and have to pay the heavy fines just to get help!!! UGH!!!! I still have to call and see if they will let me back on the plan. I really want help but don’t want to drain my savings account because of this.  I was also prescribed to go on paxel (an anti depressant for my ED) and some kind of anti-biotic for my toe.  Sad to say both didn’t work. So, I decided to go see another doctor a bit closer to my home.  I went to the Milford Urgent Care Center in Milford, PA and this time this doctor was more informative.  The last doctor told me that I “picked my toes” and that’s how my infections started. WTF? lol. I do not do that. That’s weird. This new doctor told me that it was probably the cause of A.) A Pedicure (which I do not get) or B.) Malnutrition. DING! DING! DING! found my answer!  My mom said that’s what probably caused it but I didn’t believe her. Damn….that really hit home.  He also said that if it doesn’t get better that I would eventually have to get surgery!! AHHHHH! I’m afraid of surgery!!!!  He prescribed me with two anti biotics.  One called Bactrin and the other Augmentin.  They both helped a little.  I am done with them now and yet to go back there to get more but I am a little apprehensive about Augmentin.  It really did clear it a lot but it made me sick to my stomach. Not to gross out anyone but my stool was all liquid (like diarreah like), I had to go all the time, and my stomach made funny noises. I really don’t want to go through that again.  Hopefully there’s another powerful drug that will clear up my toes 100% without any stomach issues.

As with the eating. I am still eating the same.  I don’t know I can’t stop the control…it’s all about control. I feel it’s gotten worse because I feel as an almost 21 year old, I need to be in control of everything I do Maybe I should see a psychologist. I think I”ll give the health insurance a call today to see if they’ll let me back on the plan. I keep telling myself that I really need the help but no action is done because 2 hours later I’ll feel that everything is fine. Everything is not fine.

But other then that life is ok right now. I’ll be back to reporting what I eat later. Just wanted to give you an update of my life. (if anyone cares that is).

Enjoy your day!!!

A New Start….On Drugs!

It’s finally Thursday! Payday as always, and the day I go to the doctors. I’ve been anxiously awaiting for today, and it’s finally here.  The worst part about today was probably the ride to the doctors.  The closer we got to the office, the more anxious I got.  What am I going to expect?  How long is this going to take?  Is this doctor going to be friendly?.  Those were just a few out of many questions racing through my mind.  When I finally got there I had to fill out some paperwork first.  What sucked most was finding out that I am no longer on my dad’s health insurance anymore as of 4/23/10! WTF?  I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fact that I am now 20? who knows but it was kind of frustrating.  Luckily I was able to see the doctor and had to pay $40 for a checkup.

It all started off with a nurse escorting me to an oh so familiar scale.  In my mind I said to myself “Oh s***!  not the scale! I reluctantly  got on the scale. The weigh in? 105.8 lbs. Not too bad, but not great.  I’ve stayed the same for a while now, which is great for ED, but not good for me myself (trying to get back to a normal weight, and 105 is still underweight for someone who is my height of 5’6).  The nurse lead me to the room where I waited for the doctor.  Honestly, I believed that the nurse asked me more questions then the doctor.  When the doctor came in, I told him what was wrong, and he was basically like “Take some anti-depressants and come back in a month.”  “Here are two psychiatrists to call.” and “Take some antibiotics for the toes”. (cuz I have an infection on both big toenails.  And that was that.  Kinda disappointed.  I wish the doctor was a little bit more sensitive and understanding instead of just getting the job done. I anticipated much higher.  Maybe I should lower my standards for next time.

And that was that.  Honestly at this point I rather here a doctor say “You’re going to die in so and so months if you continue what you are doing”.  It shows me that they care, and this dude, honestly didn’t seem to care.  2 thumbs down for sure.

Here are my eats for the day.

Breakfast.

Lunch.

Snack.

Dinner.

Dessert. Chocolate yogurt mess w/ DCD’s this time! SO GOOD!

Late Night Snacks.

Minus the milk of course (only 100 cals w/o it)

And that’s it.  Can’t wait to pick up my “drugs” possibly tomorrow.  When the doctor said anti-depressants, I immediately thought that I will probably become addicted to it, and OD on them.  He says that I won’t and I can’t.  Really? Because I’ve heard of stories where people got addicted to drugs like anti-depressants (or maybe it was something else? idk but it was something a doctor prescribed) So I am a little apprehensive about that.  Does anyone else feel this way, that it’s kind of sad how we have to rely on drugs to get better?  Maybe it’s just me, idk.  LOL, now I feel hypocritical when I say “HUGS NOT DRUGS”.

Enjoy the rest of your evening! Goodnight.

The Beginning Of The End

It’s the night before the doctor’s.  The nerves are really starting to get to me now.  It is serious now.  I am REALLY going to the doctor’s tomorrow, for real, not just saying I am going verbally, but I am physically going there.  There is a whole bunch of thoughts running through my mind racing at this very moment.  I forgot what it was like to be at the doctor’s (yes it’s been that long).  I do however, remember the agonizing waiting.  That’s going to be torture tomorrow.  All I want to do is to get it over with, tell me what I need to get healthy again, and that’s that. But of course it won’t be like that.  It will be a process. A process I am willing to take for better health.  Better yet, a future.

Breakfast today started off with a usual chocolate yogurt mess

Had to work today. (very busy for a Wednesday, why? I don’t know). So lunch was a Luna Caramel Nut Brownie

After work (and a bit of shopping) I headed over to grandma’s house to drop off her Starbuck’s coffee ice cream.  It was her birthday yesterday, and I guess she wanted coffee ice cream, so my mom bought her some Starbucks (to which she has never had Starbuck’s in her life).  To top it all off she just tried Dunkin’ Donuts coffee for the first time and she LOVED it!  (finally! she’s becoming more modern lol!).  Today is also a sad day for our family.  This is the day my grandfather had passed away, three years ago.  Hard to believe it’s been that long.  RIP grandpa…..keep on planting those delicious veggies you’ve grown at home for years to god!

Snack today was a Kashi Honey Almond Flax.

A little while later, my 14 year old brother cooked dinner. (yes, that’s correct. But he’s good at cooking so my mom allows it.  If I cooked, that be a totally different story! haha)  We had cheese quesadillas, w/ some salsa.

Dessert was some Edy’s Slow Churned Double Fudge Brownie Ice Cream

Late night munchies included some Life cereal, Animal Crackers, and a Fiber One 90 calorie bar.

I guess I should try to go to sleep soon so I can be all rested for tomorrow.  It’s going to be a long day of waiting until 5:00.  I don’t have work, so that will make it drag.  Luckily, it’s payday so that will bring somewhat of a smile to my face.

I’ll have a full report of what it was like tomorrow.  Wish me luck! (gonna need all the luck I can get!)

Goodnight.